


Apologies

by JayCKx



Category: Thomas Sanders
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-19
Updated: 2017-10-19
Packaged: 2019-01-19 12:04:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12409986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JayCKx/pseuds/JayCKx
Summary: *Set after Moving On Part 1*“Logan?” He called cautiously. Silence followed. “Logan, I know you’re in your room. But I’m not going to come in if you don’t want me to, I know I upset you. And I just need you to know…” Patton exhaled shakily. “I’m sorry.”





	Apologies

He wanted to ignore it. He wanted to stay in his room; his bright, warm, happy, nostalgic room and reminisce with the other three, he wanted to look through old artwork and peek into boxes and go through happy childhood memories. He wanted to push everything back, wanted to forget what had just happened, wanted this stupid, dark, sticky, miserable feeling that was now clawing at him to just go away. But deep down, Patton knew why he couldn’t. He’d just hurt Logan.

He’d never seen the logical trait look like that; so shocked, confused, betrayed, hurt. They’d all ignored him, insulted him, told him to be quiet when all he was trying to do was help. But Patton, Patton was the one who had made him snap, he was the one who had gone too far. He was the cause of Logan’s pain.

But some twisted, angry part of him deep down protested this. Logan had started it! He’d been trying to ruin their fun, their nostalgia, when he had been the one who had insisted despite Patton’s protests that they should go into his room in the first place! He deserved to be told to stop, he’d hurt Patton too. Logan had said stuff he shouldn’t have, Patton was in pain and Logan hadn’t exactly helped by saying that he- that he was the cause of their trouble just because he couldn’t let go of one guy, because he was heartbroken! Thomas was hurting so Patton was too, how was that his fault, how could Logan say that to him?! If Logan was only going to hurt and disagree with them and stop their progress to getting better, if he wasn’t going to help, then it was best that he had left.

 

That thought disturbed Patton in some way, he didn’t like it, didn’t like that he was accepting it. But he pushed the uneasy feeling to the back of his mind, told himself it was a valid reason and kept sorting through memories and photos with Roman and Thomas. Virgil wasn’t saying anything, but when Patton looked over he appeared to be absorbed in a book, so he turned back to Thomas and didn’t look twice. Virgil didn’t have to participate if he didn’t want to.

Patton didn’t notice the way Virgil’s breathing was too fast, the way his eyes flickered nervously around the room instead of steadily reading the book he had opened in front of his face, didn’t see the fingers alternating between tapping the spine and holding it so tightly his knuckles faded white, didn’t notice the way he was curling in on himself. Morality didn’t see how incredibly anxious he was.

Distracting himself worked, for a bit at least. But it would never work for too long. Patton was Morality; good and bad, right and wrong, the morals. If he felt bad, if something was wrong, then no matter how hard he tried to put it off, the feeling would only grow stronger until he made it right again. The feeling pulled and tugged at him, stripping away his bubbly, golden, happy glow (it was fake anyway, the result of old faded happy memories, it wasn’t real joy) and shoving him back to reality. He’d hurt Logan, and that wasn’t okay.

 

Patton felt his eyes widen as he fully realised this, and he suddenly had to leave, had to find Logan and apologise, (because even if he was in pain, so was Logan, and if he could stop one of them hurting then that was enough.) He was about to duck out of his room when he remembered Thomas.

“Go,” he said quietly, itching to get away. The others glanced at him.

“Huh?” Thomas grunted, eyes roving over a picture he held.

“Uh, you have to go, kiddo. The room’s affecting you, you’ve got some good memories back, everything will be okay, time to go,” Patton rambled distractedly, not thinking too hard about what he was saying.

“But Patton, I don’t want to leave! It’s so nice here.” Thomas frowned, finally looking up at him.

“I know buddy, but you have to.” Patton sighed. Thomas opened his mouth to disagree, but Patton had decided he’d already wasted enough time ignoring his problems. “Time to go,” he said with a sense of finality. Patton snapped his fingers and Thomas was gone. Roman looked up and raised his eyebrows, before gasping as his eyes landed on a record, immediately affected and swept in by the memories. Patton sunk away; they would be fine until he came back. For now he had to worry about Logan.

 

Patton headed straight for Logan’s room, because that was the only place Logan would have gone, but when he tried to pop up in the space, he was… blocked.

He wasn’t allowed in.

Now what was he going to do?

Patton thought for a second, before deciding that if he couldn’t go into Logan’s room then the door might be the next best option. It was just that he’d never had to use it before.

Patton rose up in a long, stretching hallway, but ignored everything except for the simple wooden door in front of him. What to do next? There was a handle, but he didn’t want to just barge into Logan’s room if he was blocked from teleporting in; he somehow didn’t think the logical side would appreciate that. Besides, it was probably locked anyway. So he knocked instead.

Patton expected an answer, maybe for the door to open, or for Logan to tell him to come in, or more realistically for him to yell at Patton to go away. But there was just… nothing. “Logan?” He called cautiously. Silence followed. “Logan, I know you’re in your room. But I’m not going to come in if you don’t want me to, I know I upset you. And I just need you to know…” Patton exhaled shakily. “I’m sorry.”

He waited, lingering in the hallway for just a few seconds, craving a sign. He needed to know Logan had heard him, knew that he was sorry. He had to know that Patton regretted it, that he was apologising. But for what seemed like a long time, no words met Patton’s ears. He took a deep breath, half raised his fist as if to knock on the door, then faltered and stopped. He didn’t know what to do, he didn’t even know if Logan had heard him.

He was about to give up, to admit defeat for now, (because what else could he do?) when he heard it.

The noise was faint, muffled, like it had escaped without the source’s consent and they were trying to stop it. But Patton heard it nonetheless, and he immediately knew what it was.

 

“Logan, are you crying?” He breathed, wide-eyed in horror. Patton stepped forward until he was practically pressed against the door, hands splayed against the wood, desperate to get closer, to confirm, to comfort. There was silence from within the room but Patton wouldn’t leave now. He had to help, he had to fix this! He had never ever heard Logan cry before, and he couldn’t bear the thought that he might be the reason why the logical trait was crying now. But he didn’t… he didn’t know how to help. Logan wasn’t answering, wasn’t opening the door, wasn’t responding to him. He was just silent, but Patton knew he was crying, and it was tearing him apart. He let his forehead fall forward onto the door with a soft thunk, and closed his eyes.

“Logan, I-” he had to take a deep, shaky breath. “I’m so sorry. Are you okay? I know I hurt your feelings and I should have come earlier, but now I don’t know what to do. I just,” Patton spun around until his back was pressed against the door, and slowly slid down to the carpeted ground. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered, staring at the wall at the other side of the hallway. Patton felt tears form in his eyes; he felt so useless, he just kept messing everything up and now he didn’t even know how to fix it all.

The silence seemed to echo.

“I hope you’re okay. I’m here for you Logan, and I’m sorry I hurt you, but I just. I can’t stand the thought of you hurting on your own,” he murmured softly, head thudding back gently as he leaned it against the door. Patton jerked in shock when there was another muffled cry from inside Logan’s room. It was louder this time, closer, and sounded so full of pain that Patton felt his heart twist. But then,

“It’s okay.”

 

Patton gasped as he heard the whisper drift through to him, and he realised Logan must be mirroring him on the other side. The logical trait was sitting with his back against the door, just like Patton, except he was crying and in his room on his own and Patton just couldn’t reach him.

“Lo?” Patton breathed cautiously. Logan’s shaky inhale could be heard through the door.

“I- I know you didn’t mean to hurt my. My feelings.” His voice was quiet, weak. “I hurt your feelings first, I shouldn’t have said what I did, it wasn’t fair. And I shouldn’t have gotten so angry and upset over you telling me to stop. But I was just trying to help and nobody was listening and- and I was scared.” His voice had been raising in tone and speed, only to drop back down to defeat at the end. Patton curled his fist and bit his lip, ignoring the thing sheen tears in his eyes as he listened. “And feelings are, they’re hard to deal with. Because I don’t know how.” Logan’s voice cracked and he sniffled, making Patton’s heart twist a little bit further.

“Oh, Logan,” he murmured sadly, wishing more than anything he could pull his friend into a hug right now. He heard a short sob be muffled, presumably in Logic’s elbows or knees, before he continued talking.

“And it seems like I’ve gained this reputation of being a cold, heartless, unfeeling, emotionless robot,” Logan sounded so upset, “And it feels like I have to go along with it, to hold up that image, because if I don’t really understand feelings then I can just push them aside, right? It doesn’t matter, it should be easy. But sometimes it isn’t, and when they’re strong I don’t know how to deal with it because I’ve never learnt because maybe I’m not supposed to feel anything! I’m logic, not emotion. But I do feel and I’m not a robot and it hurts.” Patton covered his face with his hands, shoulders shaking silently as he finally let his tears out. He felt so bad, so guilty, so sorry for Logan. There were a few quiet cries from the other side of the door. “And I’m going to regret this so much later,” Logan moaned. Patton huffed out a surprised laugh, but it sounded more like a breathy sob. There was silence for a moment, then,

“…Patton, are you crying now?” Logan’s choked up, surprised voice asked.

“Yeah. Because I’m sorry, Logan. I know I’ve said it but I need to say it again and again because this is my fault. You never should have felt like you couldn’t have feelings, or that you had to deal with them on your own, or that you were lonely. I’m crying because I’m sad because I love you and you’re hurting and all I want to do it hug you and let you know that you’re not alone.” It just burst out of him, but it was all true. There was a stunned silence for a few minutes while they both contemplated that.

“But… I hurt you too. That’s not acceptable, I shouldn’t have said what I did. I should’ve listened to you when you told us it wasn’t a good idea to go in your room. It wasn’t your fault in the least, about anything. You were hurting, and then for a moment you and Thomas and Roman were happy, and I made that worse. You had every right to tell me off, and I shouldn’t have gotten so upset. I’m sorry.” Logan sounded so sincere and regretful that Patton was shocked into yet another silence.

“It’s okay,” he finally whispered. “I guess we both mucked up, but we’ve both apologised, so it’s okay. Maybe we still hurt a little bit, but it’ll be fine. We’re family Logan, I’m here for you. You can’t control how you feel. But if you’re sad, then there are ways to help that.” He smiled softly despite the tears still in his eyes, even though he knew Logan couldn’t see him. “Are you okay?” He asked again.

“…Yes.”

 

Patton exhaled in relief, and stood up, one hand still pressed against the door.

“Do you… do you still want me to leave?” He asked hesitantly.

The door was suddenly wrenched open and there Logan was, staring at him with red-rimmed eyes under his glasses, messy hair and tear tracks visible on his cheeks. The intense relief that shot through Patton at the sight of him made a rush of air escape his lungs.

“Please… please don’t,” Logan whispered. Patton saw a blush creep across his cheeks, and knew how much Logan must be struggling after concealing his emotions for so long.

“Okay,” replied Patton simply, hands dropping to his sides. He looked at the tear tracks on Logan’s cheeks as the logical side’s eyes flickered to the ground, and suddenly couldn’t resist the urge to step forward and wrap his arms around Logan and hug him as tightly as possible. Logan stiffened under the embrace, eyes wide as he stared at Morality, but Patton just tucked his head onto Logic’s shoulder and held him closely. After a few moments of shock as he tried to figure out the situation, Logan slowly brought his hands up to Patton’s back and wrapped them around his waist, holding him tightly. Slowly he relaxed, allowing his head to drift forward until it was resting on Patton’s shoulder as he took deep shaky breaths, and Patton allowed himself a tiny smile.

“Thank you,” Logan whispered eventually, but didn’t let Patton go, so Patton didn’t back away from the hug either. He needed it just as much as Logan did.

“Thank you too.” He smiled against Logan’s shoulder. It took a second, but then he felt Logan smile back, and he knew.

They were going to be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> Come hang out with me on tumblr, @starlight-sanders


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